Beneath his feet, the floor trembles a little as Pippin opens the door, and pokes his head into the darkened bedroom. Light from the hallway falls over the blonde wood of the floor and the bright tumble of Merry's curls.
Merry stirs, turns toward the door, and Pippin smiles shakily. "Can I come in?"
"Of course, Pip," Merry tells him, and Pippin steps into the room, closing the door behind him very carefully.
"What's wrong?" Merry asks, sitting up, scooting over to make room in the full bed.
Pippin shakes his head, climbs up and curls into Merry. He clenches his fingers into Merry's nightshirt and breathes deeply. "I couldn't sleep," he whispers into Merry's chest. "My bed was too cold."
Merry's hands smooth over his back - warm, and square, and comforting. "I couldn't sleep either," Merry confesses into Pippin's ear, lips moving against his skin. Pippin shivers, burrows closer.
"Can I sleep here tonight?" Pippin asks, eyes closed tight. He feels Merry nod, and Pippin swallows hard - gives out a shaky breath. "And the night after that?" he asks, still not opening his eyes, and Merry nods, still not speaking.
And Pippin's voice is thick when he asks, again, "And the night after that?" Against him, Merry stiffens - the hands on his back slow and stop and Merry draws back.
"You know..." Merry begins, and then breaks off. Pippin clutches tighter to Merry's shirt, and Merry begins again. "You know I can't do that."
"Yes, I know," Pippin whispers. "It's your wedding night, after all. But what about the night after that?"
"You won't be here anyway," Merry says, and his voice cracks. "You'll be gone, then."
"And you'll be married." Pippin doesn't raise his head, doesn't move, doesn't open his eyes, and Merry swallows hard, and the room goes quiet, silence laid over the both of them like a blanket of snow - cold and intrusive.
"I will," Merry finally agrees, his hands beginning to roam over Pippin's back again. "I love you, though."
"Of course you do," Pippin says, opening his eyes to look up at Merry with a small smile. "I'm not a fool - I never thought you didn't."
And Merry smiles back and kisses the tip of Pippin's chin, and then his lips, and then his nose. "We can't stay young forever, Pip. We have to grow up sometime."
Pippin pulls back, now staring - his eyes green and angry. "Haven't we grown up enough?" he asks. "You were stabbed by a Black Rider, I was crushed by a giant cave troll, we watched Boromir die, we were abducted by ors and uruk-hai and we got *taller*, Merry! I daresay we've both done quite a bit of growing up already!"
"Yes, but - " Merry backpedals, and Pippin pulls him closer by his nightshirt.
"You meant we have to settle down, and if you say one word about the good of the Shire, Meriadoc Brandybuck, then I will personally see to it that you're covered in something utterly foul before your wedding," he hisses and Merry's mouth opens and closes several times before he looks down at Pippin's hands.
He clears his throat and whispers, "I want children, Pip."
Pippin sighs, and says, "Yes, I know. And I suppose I will as well, someday, but I don't ever want to marry if I can't marry you."
"You know we can't," Merry says, and Pippin sighs again, his eyes slipping away from Merry's to look at the painting across from them, of Merry's parents with their hands folded together and pleased smiles on both their faces and their wedding rings in the forefront of the picture.
"Yes, I do, but it doesn't mean I like it," Pippin says, voice low and raw with hurt. "It doesn't mean that sometimes I don't hate the Shire and want to take you away from it, to have you all for myself. And yes, I know they need us, and yes, I know there's so very much to do and be fixed and rebuilt, but, oh, Merry..." his voice trails off and Merry kisses both of his eyelids.
"I love you," he says loudly, "I do love you so," and Pippin snuggles closer.
"What happens when I visit next?" Pippin asks, sounding lost and older even to himself, and Merry holds him tight. "Where do I sleep then?"
"Beside me," Merry tells him, and Pippin nods, still staring at the painting.
"It must be easier," Pippin muses, "for Sam and Frodo - or at least for Frodo. He doesn't have to watch as Sam -"
"I would never let you go," Merry says, his voice firm and hard. "I wouldn't let you leave me behind, no matter what your reason, or where you were going."
And Pippin closes his eyes, and lets Merry hold him tightly, and says, "I would never leave."